CONTROL AND MANIPULATION
Now to address something that is one of the manifestations of codependency, and that is control and manipulation. Anytime anyone gets you to do something you don't want to do, you are being controlled. Anytime someone gets you to do something without even saying a word, that is manipulation. To really get a grasp on this, pick up my book called, "Understanding Manipulation and Control." Because when we understand who, what, when, where and how, we can break free and be who God created us to be. Someone who has been under control and has been manipulated by others is a fabricated individual. They may not even know who they really are because they have been what others expect of them. However, when we can really get the truth behind this, we can recover ourselves out of it! (2 Timothy 2:24-26) It's the truth that makes us free (John 8:32). We just don't know how. Well, not until now!!!
This actually manifests into soul-ties and codependency. A person who is a controller is because they have been controlled. Someone pulled their strings and now they are pulling others, if we let them of course. And if we let them, then we are also either controlling or being the controller. It keeps on going until someone STOPS it! And that that person be you.
So let's take a look:
Do you have the need to control or internalize everything that goes on?
Have you been struggling in an area in your life that you just can’t seem to get a handle on? You know how you are, and yet you don’t want to be that way? There are several possibilities, but I want to bring one to you that you may not be aware of. Before sharing it though, I want to share with you how I came to this conclusion. There are two behaviors that stand out so loud, but is the hardest two things to overcome.
1.First, a manipulator wants to control. We want people to do what we want them to do, so we “WATCH” them very carefully to see if they are doing things right. This causes people not to want to be around us because this is NOT freedom, actually for either.
2. Then the second thing is everything is about them. No matter what the topic of discussion is, it always turns back to being about them somehow. It’s actually quite irritating, and can cause rifts in relationships.
I wanted to know the “why?” behind these two areas so I asked the Lord. This is what He showed me. The answer is the same for both. Many have been through deliverance ministries to rid themselves of the spirit of control and manipulation, pride, fear, and more… yet, they are still not changing to the degree they want to change in these areas. As I dug deep down and worked with God, He gave me the reason. He told me it is because that person isn’t happy. That person isn’t content.
What has you? (What is controlling you?)
Well, I don’t know what is eating you, but I finally know what has been eating me, little pieces at a time without my even knowing it! It’s like that frog in the water thingee… if you put a frog in cold water and then slowly heat it up, it won’t know it’s being boiled to death!
At the time the Lord had been working on me about something, but I didn’t know what it was… I just knew something was stirring as I saw evidences of my attitude not being so good. I knew then He was up to something. He was getting at something deep inside me because I found myself frustrated, which hasn’t happened for a long time, I had complained and murmured about people, and would feel angry for no apparent reason. I didn’t like being like this, but from time to time, these things would surface. Well, Lord has finally helped me get to the root of all this. Let me rephrase that... God was always ready to help, I wasn’t ready to receive - Yet!
I’m sharing this with you because it could help someone, but it’s embarrassing, now that I know what it is because no one wants to admit to it. (Just mentioning I was embarrassed showed me how deceived I really was… because being embarrassed is a manifestation of pride… and an intricate part of this issue.)
Tom and I were driving to the store and I reached out to hold his hand and when I did, something came up in me, a deep rage, without any provocation at all, no thoughts, nothing, just came up. I didn’t react to it, just felt it… It manifested in my chest… like a weight was sitting on me. I began telling Tom that something rose up in me. As I talked to Tom about it we both asked the Lord to remove it even though we didn’t know what it was, it just had to go. Then within minutes, I felt it move up to my neck. We both knew that it was a spirit of some kind, and so continued asking God to remove it.
See, I know people who argue the fact that an evil spirit can have a Christian… well, here is proof of that possibility, as it was moving around inside me. It wasn’t just a thought, it was an actual being present within me that wasn’t me. As we continued praying, it rose to my head… and with that we were at the store, and I put that aside. I noticed as I was in the store that my patience level was at an all time low… I even got frustrated, which was very surprising because I love talking with people and blessing them in line, etc., but what was taking place was this thing was rising to the top and acting out… It wasn’t even me! I knew something spiritual was going on and so continued praying. Tom and I even said, “We don’t know what this is, but we trust You Lord to help reveal it and remove it.”
Well, that evening I was editing a booklet for someone called “The Spirit of Self-Pity,” when all of a sudden something triggered in me and I felt that heaviness leave me. It was like a pimple popped or something, and it popped out. There was nothing dramatic about it, no yelling, no coughing, it just left!
Within minutes I had a heart change… It was a spirit of self-pity! Self-pity had a hold on me and I didn’t even know it. Actually, that is one of its tactics… keeps you in the dark so he stays in the dark. He doesn’t even mind if you see a little of him, and even repent for self-pity, but he is still quite there, lurking and hiding. But now I saw him. I couldn’t see him while he was in me, because he was good at blinding me, but now I see so clearly and realized how much havoc it played in my life.
Something I need to point out is that I didn’t have to know its name for the Lord to remove it. I knew something was amiss in my life, and gave God permission to remove it. He did tell me what it was “after” He removed it. I’ve seen another instance in my life with a “religious spirit” that left me. Tom and I found ourself in a situation where something arose in me again, we didn’t know what it was, but asked the Lord to remove it as we demanded it to leave in Jesus name too… then it literally popped out, but didn’t know its name until it left!
The enemy wants to control our thoughts, cause if he can do that, then he can control our actions, because our body follows thought. Whether it is an act or a health condition that manifests. It all starts in our thoughts. That is why it's so important to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. In other words, remove ALL fearful thoughts in Jesus name. Fear is the opposite of Faith and God's love. Fear is false evidence appearing real. It's not real, though it sure "feels" like it. As soon as we fall into it, the enemy can control us. Now the game is on. We now start controlling and manipulating others. All kinds of relational issues can come from this. But if we can finally stop and decide today that we are going to take that stand and stop all this insanity, cause that's what it is, then we are saving not only ourselves from heartache, but many others.
Control and Manipulation is everywhere. People can glance at you and make you move. Someone's sigh can make you respond. People do all kinds of things to get us to do what they want, and we do the same for others. Think of your last conversation. I almost named my book, "Communication without Manipulation." Which may be a great subtitle for a book, but... what did we say or do to get someone else to do what we wanted? Here are some examples:
Someone needs to go to the store but they say, "Gee, I really need some groceries." What do you say, "Do you want me to take you to get some groceries?" See how it works? We are to say what we mean and mean what we say. Not using innuendoes. Anything other than yea and nay is evil. That means, we are to just say it. I was visiting with someone and they mentioned a few things. I simply said, "What is it that you are asking. If you need something just say so." Many of us have mind-reading relationships. In other wards, we live by expectations. We say, "Well, they should have known." or "I expected them to do this or that." This causes all kinds of issues doesn't it. But what if we were to simply say, "Can you help me?" or "This is what I would like to ask of you." So much simpler. No guessing work. No awkward moments. No controlling. No manipulating. See, all this is working is lies. If we don't say what we mean and mean what we say, we are lying! And we can go into talking about lying until the cows come home. So instead of cows, pick up my book called, "Nothing but the truth, so help me God." It goes into how to stop lying and be honest at all times, without fear of retaliation! I think that is why we don't say what we want to say, in fear of hurting another. But we have to speak truth! We have to be honest. If we messed up, don't make excuses, just say, "I messed up, will you forgive me.?"
This happened at the writing of this segment. I made a big mess out of something and I believe I upset another person during it. I had to call them and apologize! I didn't blame anything. I just took responsibility and was restored to my friend. If we can all do this, that would be amazing. But why don't we? I can tell you right now. Because behind manipulation and control is PRIDE! Which of course is one of the studies on this site. Be sure to read through it. Okay, I know. You don't have pride! Well, if you just said that, then chances are you do. If we don't know what we have, how can we be free.
There are so many things to consider when dealing with Control, Manipulation, and Pride. And of course fear plays a part in here. We control and manipulate for fear of rejection! So there you have it. All exposed. Now what are you going to do about it? The same thing I had to do. Renounce these things working in my life, repent, and receive forgiveness.
Prayer For You To Pray:
Father I ask that you deal with my heart today. Show me the truth so I can find my freedom so I can free others. I want my relationships pure and true with everyone I know. Help me to recognize every time I “try” to use manipulation and control to get what I want, even from You. Forgive me for ever doing that, and show me how to keep free from that.
Heal my broken heart Lord from all those who have manipulated and controlled me. From those who have used me and abused me for their gain. Cleanse me from all unrighteousness and any defilement they have placed upon me. Forgive me for using it for my own gain as well. Help me see every time Lord so I can stay clean.
Fill my heart with your love and mercy and acceptance and understanding in Jesus Name. Help me to continue forgiving from this day forward so that I stay clean before you in my life and stop any manipulation and control to take me again, whether I’m doing it to another or others are doing it to me.
I also ask you to forgive me for accusing you in any way or trying to get you to do something from my own controlling prayers. Cleanse me from that and keep me aware when that happens again. I ask these things in Jesus name. Amen.
This actually manifests into soul-ties and codependency. A person who is a controller is because they have been controlled. Someone pulled their strings and now they are pulling others, if we let them of course. And if we let them, then we are also either controlling or being the controller. It keeps on going until someone STOPS it! And that that person be you.
So let's take a look:
Do you have the need to control or internalize everything that goes on?
Have you been struggling in an area in your life that you just can’t seem to get a handle on? You know how you are, and yet you don’t want to be that way? There are several possibilities, but I want to bring one to you that you may not be aware of. Before sharing it though, I want to share with you how I came to this conclusion. There are two behaviors that stand out so loud, but is the hardest two things to overcome.
1.First, a manipulator wants to control. We want people to do what we want them to do, so we “WATCH” them very carefully to see if they are doing things right. This causes people not to want to be around us because this is NOT freedom, actually for either.
2. Then the second thing is everything is about them. No matter what the topic of discussion is, it always turns back to being about them somehow. It’s actually quite irritating, and can cause rifts in relationships.
I wanted to know the “why?” behind these two areas so I asked the Lord. This is what He showed me. The answer is the same for both. Many have been through deliverance ministries to rid themselves of the spirit of control and manipulation, pride, fear, and more… yet, they are still not changing to the degree they want to change in these areas. As I dug deep down and worked with God, He gave me the reason. He told me it is because that person isn’t happy. That person isn’t content.
What has you? (What is controlling you?)
Well, I don’t know what is eating you, but I finally know what has been eating me, little pieces at a time without my even knowing it! It’s like that frog in the water thingee… if you put a frog in cold water and then slowly heat it up, it won’t know it’s being boiled to death!
At the time the Lord had been working on me about something, but I didn’t know what it was… I just knew something was stirring as I saw evidences of my attitude not being so good. I knew then He was up to something. He was getting at something deep inside me because I found myself frustrated, which hasn’t happened for a long time, I had complained and murmured about people, and would feel angry for no apparent reason. I didn’t like being like this, but from time to time, these things would surface. Well, Lord has finally helped me get to the root of all this. Let me rephrase that... God was always ready to help, I wasn’t ready to receive - Yet!
I’m sharing this with you because it could help someone, but it’s embarrassing, now that I know what it is because no one wants to admit to it. (Just mentioning I was embarrassed showed me how deceived I really was… because being embarrassed is a manifestation of pride… and an intricate part of this issue.)
Tom and I were driving to the store and I reached out to hold his hand and when I did, something came up in me, a deep rage, without any provocation at all, no thoughts, nothing, just came up. I didn’t react to it, just felt it… It manifested in my chest… like a weight was sitting on me. I began telling Tom that something rose up in me. As I talked to Tom about it we both asked the Lord to remove it even though we didn’t know what it was, it just had to go. Then within minutes, I felt it move up to my neck. We both knew that it was a spirit of some kind, and so continued asking God to remove it.
See, I know people who argue the fact that an evil spirit can have a Christian… well, here is proof of that possibility, as it was moving around inside me. It wasn’t just a thought, it was an actual being present within me that wasn’t me. As we continued praying, it rose to my head… and with that we were at the store, and I put that aside. I noticed as I was in the store that my patience level was at an all time low… I even got frustrated, which was very surprising because I love talking with people and blessing them in line, etc., but what was taking place was this thing was rising to the top and acting out… It wasn’t even me! I knew something spiritual was going on and so continued praying. Tom and I even said, “We don’t know what this is, but we trust You Lord to help reveal it and remove it.”
Well, that evening I was editing a booklet for someone called “The Spirit of Self-Pity,” when all of a sudden something triggered in me and I felt that heaviness leave me. It was like a pimple popped or something, and it popped out. There was nothing dramatic about it, no yelling, no coughing, it just left!
Within minutes I had a heart change… It was a spirit of self-pity! Self-pity had a hold on me and I didn’t even know it. Actually, that is one of its tactics… keeps you in the dark so he stays in the dark. He doesn’t even mind if you see a little of him, and even repent for self-pity, but he is still quite there, lurking and hiding. But now I saw him. I couldn’t see him while he was in me, because he was good at blinding me, but now I see so clearly and realized how much havoc it played in my life.
Something I need to point out is that I didn’t have to know its name for the Lord to remove it. I knew something was amiss in my life, and gave God permission to remove it. He did tell me what it was “after” He removed it. I’ve seen another instance in my life with a “religious spirit” that left me. Tom and I found ourself in a situation where something arose in me again, we didn’t know what it was, but asked the Lord to remove it as we demanded it to leave in Jesus name too… then it literally popped out, but didn’t know its name until it left!
The enemy wants to control our thoughts, cause if he can do that, then he can control our actions, because our body follows thought. Whether it is an act or a health condition that manifests. It all starts in our thoughts. That is why it's so important to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. In other words, remove ALL fearful thoughts in Jesus name. Fear is the opposite of Faith and God's love. Fear is false evidence appearing real. It's not real, though it sure "feels" like it. As soon as we fall into it, the enemy can control us. Now the game is on. We now start controlling and manipulating others. All kinds of relational issues can come from this. But if we can finally stop and decide today that we are going to take that stand and stop all this insanity, cause that's what it is, then we are saving not only ourselves from heartache, but many others.
Control and Manipulation is everywhere. People can glance at you and make you move. Someone's sigh can make you respond. People do all kinds of things to get us to do what they want, and we do the same for others. Think of your last conversation. I almost named my book, "Communication without Manipulation." Which may be a great subtitle for a book, but... what did we say or do to get someone else to do what we wanted? Here are some examples:
Someone needs to go to the store but they say, "Gee, I really need some groceries." What do you say, "Do you want me to take you to get some groceries?" See how it works? We are to say what we mean and mean what we say. Not using innuendoes. Anything other than yea and nay is evil. That means, we are to just say it. I was visiting with someone and they mentioned a few things. I simply said, "What is it that you are asking. If you need something just say so." Many of us have mind-reading relationships. In other wards, we live by expectations. We say, "Well, they should have known." or "I expected them to do this or that." This causes all kinds of issues doesn't it. But what if we were to simply say, "Can you help me?" or "This is what I would like to ask of you." So much simpler. No guessing work. No awkward moments. No controlling. No manipulating. See, all this is working is lies. If we don't say what we mean and mean what we say, we are lying! And we can go into talking about lying until the cows come home. So instead of cows, pick up my book called, "Nothing but the truth, so help me God." It goes into how to stop lying and be honest at all times, without fear of retaliation! I think that is why we don't say what we want to say, in fear of hurting another. But we have to speak truth! We have to be honest. If we messed up, don't make excuses, just say, "I messed up, will you forgive me.?"
This happened at the writing of this segment. I made a big mess out of something and I believe I upset another person during it. I had to call them and apologize! I didn't blame anything. I just took responsibility and was restored to my friend. If we can all do this, that would be amazing. But why don't we? I can tell you right now. Because behind manipulation and control is PRIDE! Which of course is one of the studies on this site. Be sure to read through it. Okay, I know. You don't have pride! Well, if you just said that, then chances are you do. If we don't know what we have, how can we be free.
There are so many things to consider when dealing with Control, Manipulation, and Pride. And of course fear plays a part in here. We control and manipulate for fear of rejection! So there you have it. All exposed. Now what are you going to do about it? The same thing I had to do. Renounce these things working in my life, repent, and receive forgiveness.
Prayer For You To Pray:
Father I ask that you deal with my heart today. Show me the truth so I can find my freedom so I can free others. I want my relationships pure and true with everyone I know. Help me to recognize every time I “try” to use manipulation and control to get what I want, even from You. Forgive me for ever doing that, and show me how to keep free from that.
Heal my broken heart Lord from all those who have manipulated and controlled me. From those who have used me and abused me for their gain. Cleanse me from all unrighteousness and any defilement they have placed upon me. Forgive me for using it for my own gain as well. Help me see every time Lord so I can stay clean.
Fill my heart with your love and mercy and acceptance and understanding in Jesus Name. Help me to continue forgiving from this day forward so that I stay clean before you in my life and stop any manipulation and control to take me again, whether I’m doing it to another or others are doing it to me.
I also ask you to forgive me for accusing you in any way or trying to get you to do something from my own controlling prayers. Cleanse me from that and keep me aware when that happens again. I ask these things in Jesus name. Amen.