About 14 days ago I started writing a blog of daily insights and revelations the Lord has been giving me. If you would like to join me every day, then just go to Linda's Blogs and the current one for the day will display. You can also go back and read the older ones as well. But these are "hot off the press" things that I'm going through at the moment. I believe they will be of help to someone needing a little encouraging every day. Some of the blogs are teachings, some are revelations, some are insights, but I believe they are all life changing, because they have changed my life.
Pride - by linda
Well folks, for you that are spending time reading these newsletters, I hope you are finding help and being strengthened in the Lord, I know I am. And this morning is no different. So let me just get to it, as it's a hard thing to talk about, but I share it with you in hopes that you find your freedom as I did. So bare with me, it's a bit lengthy. (This article is also on my blog for Feb 3rd).
This morning I began reading in Exodus, just finished Genesis as my goal this year is to read through the Old Testament. Anyway, I thought, "I wonder what Exodus is going to tell me about what I'm going through in my life today?" So with that, I began eagerly reading. I read chapter one then chapter two, and bingo, there it was. It's amazing how God speaks to us right where we are at! So here is the passage I want to refer to in Exodus 2:14. This is the story of Moses when he saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew and slew the Egyptian. "And he (the Hebrew) said, Who made you a prince and a judge over us? Do you intend to kill me as you killed the Egyption? And Moses feared and said, "surely this thing is known." When Pharoah heard the thing, he sought to slay Moses, but Moses ran out of Egypt."
What we go through in relationships with people is what God uses to clean us up as well. And for me I have distanced myself from people so that they could not see what I see in me, that "junky" stuff. So when people would get to know me too well, I would change jobs or change churches, I would run, just like Moses.
This is what happened: I was on my way to a church meeting, and I began praying and asking God to cleanse and purify my heart, and to show me what is inside me so I can be pure and holy before Him. Then I began praying for people, especially those who have been a thorn to me. I asked for compassion and love, and I began praying for them so they wouldn't be a thorn any longer. I was praying for healing and deliverance, all kinds of awesome things, when before I was just angry and disgusted with them. My heart was already changing, I was being set free AS I was praying for them. It was awesome!
Well, it wasn't over yet! Because if you ask something like that, you will be sure to get it, and to the fullest, and I did, right between the eyes. I felt like I got hit by a 2x4, I wanted to run! When I had attended that meeting, a lady who knows of some of my plights was sharing a word, which was written just for me. It was tremendous, because the very things she was saying I had just asked God for!! As she spoke, a light went on in areas of my life that I hadn't seen clearly before. It was hard, but it was good too.
As I drove home after the meeting, I realized that these things that were being exposed in me are sins... they aren't me! I want them out! I want to be a clean vessel for God to use. The hard part was "admitting" these things so I could be purged. That hurts! The truth hurts! I went through all kinds of feelings as I was seeing these things inside me. I got hurt, then angry, then mad, then understanding came when the Lord reminded me that He loves me and wants to work with me to get me free. I humbled myself and just admitted these things. That was the hardest part you know, admitting we see what others see because the first thing we want to do is defend ourselves or run. But the truth is, we aren't defending ourselves, we are giving those "sins" permission to stay! And if we run, we aren't getting free! Ouch!
So I realized that I had positioned myself to be the judge, jury and executioner. I judged an individual, sentenced that individual, and was then also the executioner. When we don't forgive completely, we are judging. When we want to see justice come to them, that is sentencing, and when we defame or talk about that person, we are the executioner. We may not even know we are doing it, but I realized it and it caused me to feel shame. That in itself hurt too. It's all sin! Shame came when someone "saw" what I was doing!! Like in the passage I just referenced... Moses feared that someone saw what he did. See, if it was only me that saw the junk, it would have been easy to deal with, but when you think others see it, that's when fear and shame comes that causes us to run.
So then I began to repent, because the root behind all these things is pride. Only a prideful person will put sentence on another person's life. And here are some other sins I had to consider. (By the way, these are sins but they are also spirit manifestations, and once exposed, we have the authority to cast them out.) So here goes: Hard time being happy for others, False humility, needing approval, unable to be corrected, fear of man, opinionated, my way or the highway, impatient, intolerant, unforgiving, unkind, selfish, self-righteous, angry, fearful, judgmental, critical, bitter, controlling, manipulative, justice needed, lying (lying is when we haven't believed the whole truth about ourselves), exposure, wanting to run, unable to receive rebuke, "what about me?", and the list goes on and on, but you get the picture.
It felt awful, it hurt, I wanted to leave the church, blah, blah, blah. Because "they found out!" Just like in the passage I referred to, "They found this thing out." And because of that, I wanted to run. But no more! I am staying, and going to take my medicine! I am going to face these things, admit when they are there, and get on with the program. Isn't that what we all want? Why is it so hard to just take our medicine? Because those thoughts coming from those spirits are making us think that those feelings and pain are ours when they are theirs! I know these feelings feel like ours, but they aren't! That is why we can't seem to get free, we made them ours. When we separate the sin from us, we can see a lot clearer because pride can't get in the way of getting free. Because frankly pride is the culprit behind all these sins.
Remember, Pride is the original sin! Lucifer fell because of pride. He wanted to be like God. He thought in his heart that he didn't like how God was doing things and that he could do better. That's all we are saying as well when pride comes. That "they" aren't doing it like I think they should be doing it. That is the easiest way to expose pride in our lives, and that' what happened to me.
I had forgotten that these things weren't me! It was the sin in me manifesting. Paul talks about it in Romans, "It's not me but the sin in me that does it." But we had given that sin access to our vessel!! That is our part. Once we see it, we can get rid of it. I forgot that I could get free. I could face the music, expose the enemy within, and get on with things. Believe me this took a long time, (this situation in my life was used as a catapult) because now when I look back on my relationships with certain people, I was very controlling and judgmental!
Thank you Father for loving me enough to help me see the truth! And thank you for putting people in my life that love me too, even though they may see what I see in me.
This was a very hard blog this morning, but truly freeing for me. I hope that what I shared helps someone to face some hard things, because sometimes that is the only way that freedom truly comes.
Follow up: As I re-read what I just wrote, isn't it interesting how I'm sharing these deep hidden things of my heart that I wanted no one to know about with the world now? I guess I'm well on my way of getting free from them. I say it this way because it's a process. Once these things have been exposed, and repentance done, now the work begins to walk in victory over them! Stay tuned...
I was talking to my husband about someone having problems with people who don't return money they have borrowed. And of course, Tom comes back with his one liner - well, in this case - two-liner: "The only people to lend money to are those you love, so that if you don't get it back it doesn't matter." Then he added, "And those who love you wouldn't ask for it in the first place." Can't add much more to that!